Category: Books (Page 2 of 25)

You might be a Slytherin if...

You Might Be a Slytherin If… (Modern Day)

As most Harry Potter fans know, the Slytherin House has produced successful wizards, as well as evil ones. My friends who were sorted in Slytherin on Pottermore don’t feel bad about it at all. (That, in itself, proves they’re Slytherin through and through!) But if you’re a Muggle, living in modern times, what does it mean to be a Slytherin? Well, you might be a Slytherin if you’ve ever done any of these things.

 

via GIPHY

 

You wait until the movie starts to unwrap your candy, very slowly.

We’re looking at you, Grandma Black!

You place your Starbucks order on your mobile app while you’re sitting in the store, so your order is ready before all the people standing in line.

You shouldn’t keep Andromeda Tonks waiting.

You pretend to be your co-worker’s friend, then convince them to car pool with you, so you can use the car pool lane.

This has Pansy Parkinson written all over it.

You don’t want to pay for a New York Times subscription, so when you hit your limit of free articles, you clear your browser’s cache and keep reading.

Gregory Goyle would totally do this, if he could figure it out.

You use sign in and use someone else’s Netflix account. Ditto Amazon Prime.

Voldemort would force that weak Lucius Malfoy to cough up his passwords.

 

via GIPHY

 

You buy Starbucks Via for the bonus star codes. Then re-package the coffee and resell it — sans star codes — at a higher price.

We don’t know into which house Mundungus Fletcher was sorted, but this has his sticky fingers all over it.

You let co-workers share your Dropbox account so you can steal their ideas and presentations.

As if Draco Malfoy could come up with an original thought on his own.

You reserve three tables through OpenTable every Saturday night, wait until the last minute to decide where to go, and don’t even bother to cancel the other two.

Nor do you care when they email you shirty reminders.

You don’t believe in spoilers. After you see a TV show or movie, you tell everyone what happens, no matter what.

And if you’re Bellatrix Lestrange, you do it loudly.

When someone shakes your hand, you don’t even wait until they walk away before using hand sanitizer.

Snape would throw in some side eye.

 

via GIPHY

 

You volunteered to be Vice President of the PTO for the attention, knowing the VP has no real responsibility. But the following year, when it was time to step up to President, you begged off for “an illness in the family,” for
the sympathy.

What a Professor Slughorn kind of move, am I right?

You signed up for the latest 5K because of the cool moisture-wicking shirt. Rather than run the race, you secretly slipped your chip onto last year’s winner’s laces while they were in the can, they called it a tie and you snagged a medal too.

Just like Draco snatching Neville’s Remembrall from him.

You just flat out refuse to recycle.

Phineas Nigellus Black has a giant pile of butterbeer cans and pumpkin juice bottles in his neighbor’s back garden.

You downloaded a bunch of songs and apps, but decided you didn’t like them. You filled out a report on iTunes saying they were downloaded to your account illegally to get your money back.

Blaise Zabini gets down to Pharrell’s “Happy,” but doesn’t want anyone to know.

You use the express check out lane when you clearly have more than “about 6 items.”

Oh, Narcissa, who’s going to eat all those pumpkin pasties now that Draco’s grown and gone?

After Christmas, when you have too much trash and would usually incur an extra fee, you get up in the middle of the night and spread the trash around to each of your neighbor’s bins.

Or you make your house elf do it for you. Yeah, that’s what you do.

You carry a cane, just to get the sweet seats on the subway or bus.

Lucius Malfoy has been doing this stylishly for decades.

You visit interior decorating stores, snap pics and post them on Instagram as if they were your home.

Pansy is simply addicted to Decorating Cents on HGTV.

You bought tickets to Hamilton. And didn’t go. And didn’t give the tickets to anyone else.

Only Lord Voldemort himself would do something so evil! Shame!

via GIPHY

Thanks for reading! Sign up for my newsletter to receive blog posts before they’re posted.

Demons, Dolls & Milkshakes / Nelson W. Pyles

‘Demons, Dolls, & Milkshakes’ Review

Demons, Dolls, & Milkshakes marks the novel debut of HWA author Nelson W. Pyles. Pyles’ short stories have been anthologized and this was not only a fun ride, but a nice entry into longer pieces of work.

Protagonists span from a bullied teenager to an unemployed, chain-smoking woman to a demon trapped in the body of a poorly sewn doll, plus a slew of supporting characters with their own agendas and foibles. Those milkshakes from the title make an appearance too. Each character is fleshed out and relatable; even the supernatural beings had issues that the reader could connect with and find examples of the same problems present in their own life.

Kick ass heroines are a dime a dozen, but Kat is something special—she’s shaken up by the paranormal encounters that have forced themselves into her unsuspecting life, but then gets over it and turns their world on its ear. I’d like to think I’d be like her if something so bizarre as demons raging in my living room and the walking dead appeared at my door one day.

Neapolitan milkshakes and fuming demons = a good night in

Two parts of Demons, Dolls, & Milkshakes surprised me—and I love written works that can do that! What I thought was a frame story to set up the main plot blossomed into so much more; it was essentially a second central plot disguised as a frame story. When characters from the original plot joined realistically and seamlessly into the second, the entire book just became that much more raucous. It was a twist I hadn’t expected.

The mythology behind the supernatural elements was original as well. Using familiar names and ideas such as the legend of Lilith as a primary demon isn’t uncommon; adding a unique spin to central idea of demon’s motivations is. So many supernatural-focused novels stick with the tried-and-true or the safe route; the demons here have a rich backstory that is well thought out and credible. If the author was so inclined, there could be several stories within their history that would be interesting to discover. Coupled with realistic reactions from their human counterparts and snappy dialogue, it’s a fun read.

Even skipping between locations and time, the entire novel was a nice change from so many first works that try to be as pretentious as possible to give themselves credibility. Although there aren’t any deep lessons to be gleaned from Demons, Dolls & Milkshakes—except maybe that the Devil is called the Prince of Lies for a reason, and that should be a red flag not to believe anything he says—it’s a recommended book for an easy, enjoyable read.

Demons, Dolls, & Milkshakes is available through on-line retailers in trade paperback and eBook format as well.

Good As Gone

‘Good as Gone’ Review

Good as Gone by Douglas Corleone is the story of a reluctant child re-acquirer named Simon Fisk. Simon rescues children who have been abducted by a parent. But in this case, he is manipulated by the French police into locating an American girl named Lindsay Sorkin. He follows her trail all over Europe, Germany, Poland, several former Soviet republics, and Belgium. Simon, of course, has a history. His own daughter was kidnapped and never found. His wife, who blamed him for being out of the country at the time of the abduction, killed herself. Simon hasn’t spoken to his own mother or sister since he was a small child.

Firstly, this is an excellent beach read, intelligently written with an interesting eye for details of visiting foreign countries. I was genuinely amused by Polish national’s Ana’s pride in her nation’s perogies. There’s a lot of fun wish fulfillment. This book seems to be a cousin of Taken, the movie, and the Jack Reacher novels. It’s a thriller! It’s fun! Simon Fisk can take an unholy amount of punishment. But it is light, light reading. Don’t come to Good as Gone for the theme.

The beginning of the book is very well written because the moments are fully conceived, action is happening and we are seeing its effect on Simon’s state of being. As the book goes on, the chapters get shorter and shorter as the action takes over. I wish that we could have expanded on some of the violence and gone deeper inside Simon’s head before and after, instead of the abrupt transitions. But what do you want? Good as Gone is trying to be fun and entertaining. I suspect that this will be a series and by about four books in, we’ll know all we need to know about Simon Fisk.

But in the way of action movies, after establishing character, we barrel forward into action to the detriment of the book. The closer to the end you get, the less detail we are given about, well, anything. The moments become unrealized, what do the new characters look like?, how do they feel?, and how many times can you get stabbed before you have to go to the hospital? Also, as the story goes on, we start to get information that feels like it’s been quickly cribbed from Wikipedia, lots of statistics about Chernobyl or the child abduction percentages of Belarus. And worse, those moments often contradict the action. The character will make a small social flub– trying to shake a Russian’s hand over the threshold– and then will remember that he once read an article on Russian social norms and began to quote them to us chapter and verse, even though he is the guy who just made the mistake. It’s a clunky convention, trying to get all your research on the page (I’m looking at you, Dan Brown!). It’s like author Douglas Corleone had a deadline and the closer he got to the end of the book, the more he rushed and just put down facts he knew. Hell, I still sort of liked the book. I bet if you read it all in one sitting, it would be okay.

But books, even thrillers, have a responsibility to have more depth than a Stephen Segal movie. Okay, maybe Good as Gone has more depth than that, but not a whole hell of a lot.

Heavy Spoilers

Oh my God, did the end of this book bother me. I won’t reveal specifics. Remember in Seven how you have all these moments with Morgan Freeman studying forgotten lore in the dark library, trying to fathom the logic of the perfect killer. And then the killer just turns himself in to the police? And all the moments of investigation meant absolutely nothing. This is even worse than that. Essentially, Simon flat-out runs into one of the killer’s buddies on a side-trip, puts two and two together, and goes to get the guy. Two pages later, we’re done. Sure, the investigation got him to the right town, but it’s a big town.

Good as Gone is okay, a nice quick read, but mediocre. And worse, it could have been great if the writing just remained consistent.

Page 2 of 25

Powered by WordPress & Theme by Anders Norén

%d bloggers like this: