No f-ing Coach reunion! But that was the best idea ever! It was like my heart’s unspoken wish had been made real.

I’m not a huge Coach fan or anything. But it was such a weird idea that it immediately had my full and unfettered support. Why Coach? Is there a Coach underground fan base that I don’t know about, writing ‘shipper fan fic about Dauber and Christine? As I recall, the story had completely petered out, Coach and his girlfriend got married and, I think, adopted a kid, people had left the show, Luther probably found love– almost all of the jump the shark criteria had been hit in like the third season. Not that I agree with most of those criteria. I’m obviously not the first person to make this observation, but the Happy Days where Fonzie jumps the shark was excellent, maybe the best episode of the run.

The only person I think I’ve heard reference Coach in the last fifteen years is my brother who has always had a penchant for the classics– much of which goes back to Nick at Nite showing crazy old shows in the ’80s and ’90s, like Hazel, Patty Duke (Patty’s still acting, but whatever happened to Cathy?), Donna Reed, Car 54. Man, Nick at Nite used to be awesome. They used to have all those hilarious commercials comparing the different Darrens on Bewitched or explaining the difference between the Gabor sisters for Green Acres fans. Now it’s mostly just Friends, which is fine, but less adventurous.

And there was precedent for TV reunions that no one really wants! I recently learned that there was a Dobie Gillis reunion movie in, like, 1988. As a dedicated TV watcher, it’s hard for even me to imagine that machinations that brought that together. I wonder how it did in the ratings? Oh, Coach, perhaps you were too beautiful for this world.

But it’s like Craig T. Nelson found a genie, wished for a Coach reunion, and then even the genie just couldn’t get it together. “I’m sorry, Craig, how about peace in the Middle East?”

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